Non Compos Mentis: Fountains of Shame! – Agony Rant!
As a happily unhinged and demented young woman, I’m happy to watch the world get its knickers in a twist in their quest for answers.
· Is sex dirty?
· Was Gandalf gay?
· Is Prince Charles the British archetype of a sod?
· What is the origin of the F word?
· How perverted is perverted?
· Do they have Republicans in Hell?
· Will the Ku Klux Klan reinvent itself into the anti-PETA lobbyist group?
· Do chicken feel exploited?
Now really, the psychological ramifications of such burning revelations can be manifold and if unchecked, the risk of damage and dementia is unfathomable.
Cluster parley on the telly offer little for the curious of mind and I’m usually chuckling from the sidelines – so to speak- making snide remarks and generally unhelpful comments at all the ridiculous participants and their hopless ineptitude on the many non-roborant ‘question hours’ on the tube.
Going to the library is also over-rated. I once looked up the British Council for a book on ‘Snogging the 21st century man’ and walked away with the abridged version of the ‘Kitchen Essentials’ instead. And the therapist, me thinks, needs more help than I do. The twat refused to divulge the answers to mysterious questions of the universe and what’s more, had the temerity to refuse entry!
Well, now I’ve decided to dedicate a whole section of this blog (nee – Fountains of Shame!) to your questions of quandary. Yay.
Clearly, I’m no expert on any subject. But I promise to offer you the left-of-centre adaptation of anything you may have heard and/or read about your topic of conundrum. Plus, you’re also guaranteed non-legend status (how cool is THAT?!) by pimping your loathsome identity on my gilded for infamy electronic monologue.
I ask not for your understanding, apathy, pithy or intelligence and instead, offer you unfettered access to the inner workings of a very twisted and hebetudinous mind.
Given the anonymity this medium offers; don’t forget to act your age and post inane questions about the significance of profanity, workings of anatomy or other deviant queries (mention these in the ‘Leave a Reply’ section of this post).
Providentially, I lack tact, sagacity, mathematical genius and lately, the ‘embarrassment gene’ – ask what you will of me ye louche and I shall respond with the alacrity of the winter lion hibernating in frigidly cold Siberia.
What the hell. Might as well.
Statutory Warning: Write not if you expect coherent and practical solutions to your miserable existence. I shall not, for one, contribute to the senility of this planet – I come with my own brand of lunacy and would rather you not entertain any suggestions mentioned/described on this blog.
You have been warned.